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"Masturbation ... is not approved of the Lord nor this church, regardless of what may be said by those whose 'norms' are lower", President Kimball of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (1981)
"Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate." Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.
A quote often used by various churches in an effort to contain illicit acts amongst its people. Every sermon on masturbation would quote it, atleast all the sermons I have heard. Under the circumstances, is it difficult to imagine masturbation as one of the biggest taboos in our society? Even today? Scientific education has done a little to change it. Does that mean men and women don't masturbate? Certainly not. 99% of men and 70% of women masturbate according to various studies. The problem lies in the acceptance of the fact that you masturbate. Let me tell you a story... a story about you.
One night you were sitting alone in your appartment eating pizza. You decided to check out some new sites on the net while you eat. So you log on to your ISP and start surfing. Inadverantely, you come across some piece of pornography(yes, the net is quite full of it!) Looking at those erotic (and often downright nasty photos) you feel a tingling between your legs. One thing leads to another and you end up spoiling your underpants. Now let me tell you another story.
One night you were sitting alone in a bar drinking beer. And then a most gorgeous person enters the bar. The person that causes tingling between your legs just looking at him or her. You decide that you can't let go of this oppurtunity to get to know this wonderful creation of god. So you move towards this person and start small talk. One thing leads to another and you end up in your appartment.
Whether you are a woman or a man, the next morning you wouldn't be jumping with joy in the first case. When you go out in the evening to meet your friends, you would not tell them about the hot site you found and how you jerked off to it. Nevertheless, in the second case, you would be telling anyone who cared to listen how you had the most wonderful experience of your life last night. Why? Well, maybe because self pleasure is, well, nothing special. You can do it anytime you want. Ofcourse seducing the person of your dreams is quite an accomplishment. No wonder you need an audience. But what if you have a friend like me. A friend who is crazy enough to ask you did you wank off yesterday night? Was it good? What would you do then? Would you tell your friend about the hot site and your experience? Would you simply say, "Yeah! It was great! What about you?" Or would you pretend nothing had happened and lie... something like you were somewhere else yesterday night, or maybe lead your friend to believe you got lucky with someone?
I am guessing you would do the latter. Most certainly you won't acknowledge the act of masturbation. Rather you would evade the question and change the topic. And when your friend tells you about a hot conquest the same night, you would wish you had a bowl of water in which you could drown. Shame and guilt would come over you and you would change the topic in double quick time. Are you crazy? Noway! You are just one of the majority. And quite a majority at that! Way more majority that what George Bush had in the last elections! The reason - social conditioning!
You are just like the boy who ran out of the cinema hall that was screening an adult film (mind you, he had no business of being there in the first place! But all the cinemas care about is the sale of their tickets!)
Later in the day, the friend who had been at the movies with him, caught up with him and asked, "Why in the hell's name did you run out?" The boy answered, "My mom said that if I watched a woman getting naked I would turn to stone. And damn you Harry, a part of me was already turning into stone!"
Unluckily, the social conditioning is wrong. It is as wrong as the social condition in 18-19th century India, where widows were forced to burn alive with their husbands. As wrong as the church was in burning Galileo for implying the Earth was not the centre of the universe. Lily Tomlin put it best, "We have reasons to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation!" If god didn't want us to masturbate, maybe we would still be walking like dogs and horses!
The social conditioning is a result of numerous myths, lies and scams perperated by numerous individuals for personal benefit. Unfortunately, this conditioning is like a hard nut, very tough to crack. However, with effort and chanelising your energies, you can break it. Remember, the nuts that crack the hardest, are often the ones that taste the best! You must be wondering, how the hell does it matter if you feel guilty about masturbation. Why should you spend time breaking this casing?
Certain psychologists believe that guilt conscious, whether sexual guilt or in any other form, is the most destructive element for your mental health. Others believe it is one of the most destructive. But the greatest effect of guilt conscious in my experience has been a lack of confidence in self. Now you are an intelligent reader. I don't need to explain you the importance of self confidence. Be it your career, relationships or any other aspect of life, lack of confidence can bring your downfall. Now I am not implying that should you start to feel more comfortable about masturbation, you would succeed in all aspects of life. But it would be a nice step to take. An useless guilt that should, and can be eradicated from your mind. Remember, an ocean is made of small droplets of water. Get rid of a drop at a time and in due time, the ocean would be empty! Ofcourse it would take several millenia! Luckily, you don't have an ocean full of guily! Just some naggings here and there!
The first step towards eradication of this guilt is knowledge. There are thousands of myths around masturbation. Most of them perperated by religion, unfortunately. But some perperated by scam runners. Lets take a look at the most important ones.
1. Masturbation is against the will of god.
Bullshit. At one point the church considered anyone who was overtly passionate to his wife an adultrater. Follow that teaching and your wife would be committing adultery! Several clergymen have gone on record to say that not only the church's teachings about sexuality were unrelated to the scriptures, but that they caused more harm than good amongst people. Besides, nowhere in the religious teachings of any major religions is masturbation considered wrong.
2. Masturbation will cause impotency.
Most males and even some females seem to think so. Wrong again. Lets tackle the males first. It is understandable that seeing their sperm flow out of their body, they think it may end sometime. Well, it will end one day... maybe when you are 100 years old. But until then don't worry. Your sperm bank is quite unlike Standard Chartered. You have unlimited credit here! Sperm is a completely renewable resource, renewable on an hourly basis! For women, well, there is no basis in the theory. Probably perperated by old ladies who never had an orgasm in their entire life!
3. Masturbation causes acnes, hair loss, skin diseases.
This one is my favorite. Mainly because it is one of the better scams of all times! Your social conditioning would have you believe that masturbation is bad for your health. But bad how? No one would give you a satisfying answer! Now some scam artists saw this as an good oppurtunity to sell their products like hair growth lotions, etc. Since most people start masturbating during their teens, (the times of acne and other skin problems), they would have you believe that this is caused by masturbation! Unluckily for them, this is as untrue as the sun rising from the west! Masturbation has no physical side effects!
4. Masturbating will make you thin and skinny!
Then there would be no need for diet pills and fitness regimes my friend! And most certainly 70% of USA wouldn't be overweight!
5. Only Kids masturbate!
Why would you say that? I wonder! Well quite untrue, most adults masturbate... yup even after marriage!
6. Masturbation is for males.
And it is for 70% of the women too. Thats right, two thirds of all females masturbate!
7. Only losers masturbate!
Another of my favorites. Just goes to show just how much of a taboo is masturbation! First thing, 99% of males and 70% of females have masturbated atleast once in their lives. Now that is a hell of a lot of losers don't you think! Nothing more that I can add really... this is really the epitome of insecurity amongst people regarding self pleasure.
8. Masturbation is for homosexuals.
Wow. Where did that one originate! Someone must make a etymology of these myths, would make for an interesting read! Just as untrue as all these myths, masturbation and homosexuality have nothing in common. Some people masturbate to their fantasies of opposite sex, others to their fantasies of same sex. Thats it.
9. Masturbation will make you blind!
Others claim that masturbation is bad for your eyesights. However, their claims are unsupported by facts and medical advice. I suggest you talk to your general physician and he will explain you what a load of bull this is.
10. Masturbation changes the shape of your penis
Well, it does make it rock hard. But believe me, once you orgasm, the hardness is gone! So no. Masturbation has absolutely no effect on how your penis looks.
There are loads more of these myths circulating around the world. If you have a query about masturbation, ask me, I would happily lay your fears to rest. My email is advice@pornographytimes.com
Now lets move on in an attempt to get rid of your guilt. Clearly, all the reasons that made masturbation such a taboo are baseless. So why should you feel guilty about something that is normal and actually healthy? Healthy? Yes that too! This January, I recieved an email from a woman who had some major problems in her marriage. Due to her career and that of her husband, their sexual life was inexistant. Both held jobs in big MNCs and were frequently out of town. Sometimes, they would see each other once a month! Nevertheless, they were very much in love. Her problem was, that inspite of all their love, they were getting into petty fights with each other. The woman was even experiencing problems during work, getting angry for no apparent reasons, shouting on her team. Her temperament was a creation of the stress caused by extensive work and lack of pleasurable activities. Add to that sexual frustration.
My advice to her was twofold. First, I told her that she would have to slow down, and so should her husband. They must make time for their hobbies, maybe try and get in some physical exercise when they could. Most certainly, they needed to see more of each other. They should onsider talking off a couple of days and just be together. Second, while she was alone, she should consider fantasy therapy. Namely, reading erotic novels, watching erotic movies... exciting herself and eventually masturbating as regularly as she could. Three months later, I recieved a thank you letter from her. Apparently she had put my advice to practice (which is quite rare!) and it had actually helped. (Which is not so rare!)
How did masturbating help her? Because most of her problems arose from stress and lack of physical activities. And masturbation, like sex, is the perfect medicing. When you orgasm, your mind gets cleared of the regular day to day problems. Your body gets excited and the blood flow increases. Sometimes, you even sweat! A complete and perfect exercise for those with lack of time!
The next step in getting rid of your guilt is self belief. Something, no outsider can help you with. Here is what I would counsel. Read as many articles on the internet as you can relating to masturbation. Just so that you know that I am not bullshitting you. Any queries you have, don't be afraid to ask me or another sex advisor on any of the reputed websites. Remember, the first step is knowledge and the second step is belief. And knowledge leads to belief. Good Wanking!
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If you have a watery, painful blister on your skin, mouth, lips or genitals, it may be time to pay your doctor a visit. It may be just a minor infection, but it could also be a dreaded cold sore, more popularly known by the term herpes simplex virus or HSV.
HSV is very contagious, especially when it has just been contracted and the first symptoms are only beginning to make themselves known. The most distressing thing about this horrible health disorder is that there is no cure. If you get cold sores, you will be carrying them around the rest of your life like luggage.
Cold sores come by many names, including Night Fever and Fever Blister. They are sometimes mistaken for canker sores (Apthous ulcers) because they have the same appearance and show themselves frequently on the inside of the mouth. The difference is that canker sores are not caused by the herpes simplex. If your doctor told you that you have canker sores instead of cold sores, you should thank your lucky stars.
There are many other symptoms of HSV aside from cold sores. These include skin irritations, clusters of blisters in different parts of your body and lesions that leave no scars when they heal.
The cold sore lesions often appear around the genital area in men and also around the buttocks or anus, inner thigh or on the shaft of the penis. In women, the lesions can usually be found on or near the pubis, vulva, labia, clitoris, anus or buttocks. Sometimes, they are not obvious to the eye and at other times, you can’t miss them when they’re there.
Cold sores look different from individual to individual. Often, they appear to be blisters, especially in the genital area, but they also sometimes appear to be a yeast infection or a bad case of chafing.
Aside form the signs that you see around your body, cold sores are also characterized by a general ache all over your body and a bit of pain in the genital area, discomfort or pain during urination and discharges from the penis or vagina. There may also be flu-like symptoms that last for a week. Outbreaks usually come four or five times a year.
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Unsatisfactory Sex-Life...is an Important Reason for People to Go For “Extra-Marital Relations” or “Divorces”
Introduction
In a Country where using the word “Sex” itself is a big taboo; where anyone talking anything below belt is consider as a “Character Less” person, how can one talk about “ Love Making”? I agree that ours is a country which gave to this world “the art of love making” through pictorial presentation of “KAMASUTRA” but we still hesitate and feel shy, when one is asked to explain those positions. Just look into your “Sex Life” and see if what you are doing in “Love Making” or it is just a “Lust”? Are you having “fun” while making-love or you are just “inviting in” or “inserting in” as “fire” there is not bearable?
This article is prepared with the inputs from 467 people across the country and out-of them around 287 where females and among them 261 had experienced “Love-Making”. Most of these ladies did mentioned that in their married life...it is just “Roll-on; Roll-Off and Sleep”. There is no doubt that “Physical Relations” are important for the long-lasting “love-relations” between couple. Unsatisfactory Sex Life can lead to “Extra-Marital Relations” or “Divorces”. Lets discuss about it. Why “Love-Making” is important? What is the importance of “Foreplay” is satisfactory “Love Intercourse”. After the game is over, what is that a male or female expects from each other? And things like that. Lets being with “KAMASUTRA”.
History...behind KAMASUTRA
The KAMASUTRA history leads us back to the ancient India, between the 1st and 6th centuries (although the exact year of its writing still unknown). Considered by many specialists as the most important and influent book on the human sexuality, the KAMASUTRA (which was actually written by Vatsyayana, a scholar on Indian traditions) is today commonly mistaken as a plain and simple compendium of sex positions, or a manual to the art of sex. Other than that, the KAMASUTRA is a real document of an important part of Indian customs and traditions, showing many thoughts and ideas that still fit in our today's society values.
There are, indeed, descriptions and paintings of sex positions on the original KAMASUTRA. The author Vatsyayana regarded lovemaking as being much more than physical encounter, but also an important spiritual act of love and learning, a "divine union" as the author refers on the book. He considered that there were only eight possible sex positions, multiplied by eight. The total amount of 64 sex positions being called "The 64 Arts".
However, only about 20% of the KAMASUTRA was dedicated to sex positions, and the rest is in fact a compendium on insights about the relationships between men and women and in the ancient India's social and religious life.
The KAMASUTRA only reached the Eastern civilization in 1883, thanks to Sir Richard Burton, who wrote the first English translation for the book. Since then, other two key translations from the original KAMASUTRA in Sanskrit were made: one in 1970 by Indra Sinha and the most recent one by Wendy Doniger in 2002. However, we may find plenty of "unofficial" translations focusing only on the sex positions (and including several positions not listed on the original), specially on the Internet. Most of these versions have little in common with the original KAMASUTRA.
KAMASUTRA in its true Sense
For many people – especially in the Western world - KAMASUTRA is merely a collection of different love-making positions, a combination of acrobatics and pornography. But for the Eastern mind, the true meaning of KAMASUTRA reaches beyond this purely physical interpretation. For them, sex – in all of its forms - is sacred. It reproduces the ultimate creative act, the union of the masculine and the feminine cosmic principles. Sex is the cause of the creation and manifestation of the universe. According to Tantra, sexual intercourse, however trivial it may seem, is sacred, cosmic (even when the lovers do not acknowledge this fact, which is usually the case).
When doing the asanas (the yoga positions adopted for the ritual), tantra seeks to "divinize" the couple and their sexuality. Without this spiritual element, KAMASUTRA and Koka Shastrano wouldn't evoke divine rituals.
These two treatises aim to increase sensual voluptuousness. To this end, they propose several sex techniques, with a focus on love-making positions. In fact, the asanas, or traditional positions for joint meditation, are specific and scarce.
Tao teachers have chosen the most comfortable positions for prolonging intercourse, sometimes even up to two hours without having to move much, for this would hinder interiorization during divine intercourse. They are usually so comfortable that complete physical and mental relaxation is achieved, and alternative consciousness levels, or even sleep, can be reached. The asanas must also favor magnetic interchange of vital energy, and facilitate control over ejaculation and the body's health.
Tantra dismisses (at least at the beginning) the most common position used in the Western world - the so-called "missionary position" (Uttana bandka in Sanskrit), in which the man lies over the woman. This position is rejected by Tao followers because it does not facilitate control.
Famous Love-Making Positions
Genital Sex:
-Missionary Sex Position: The most famous and common position: man on top and woman at the bottom, with her legs spread, there is direct penetration;
-Feet on his shoulders Sexual Position: While man is kneeling, the woman rests her legs on his shoulders;
From Behind:
-Leapfrog Sex Position: It looks like the doggy position, but here, the woman's torso is lower;
-Spread-Eagle Sex Position: While the woman is laid and facing down, the man must be on top;
Woman on Top:
-Cowgirl Sexual Position: With the man lying down on his back, the woman sits on top facing him;
-Reverse Cowgirl Sex Position: The same as above, but in this position the woman faces away;
Sitting and Kneeling: -Black Bee Sexual Position: The man sits on the floor with her hands behind him. The woman sits on top, with her hands on his shoulders;
-Watching the Game Sex Position: Man sits in a chair and the woman sits on top of him, face-to-face;
Standing: -Wheelbarrow Sexual Position: The woman must be lifted by something, so the man penetrates her, standing;
-Stand and Carry Sex Position: While the man, standing, holds the woman, she wraps her legs around his waist and holds on his shoulders.
What is Foreplay and what is its importance in “Satisfactory” Love-Making
Foreplay consists of sexually stimulating activities that usually lead to intercourse. Since it generally takes women longer to physically become ready for intercourse, foreplay is important in ensuring that the female partner will find lovemaking as satisfying as the male. As foreplay intensifies and a woman becomes increasingly sexually excited, she experiences physiological changes: The labia gradually become swollen and turn a deeper color of pink, the vagina secretes a lubricating fluid that makes insertion of the penis easier, and her nipples harden. For a man, foreplay generally strengthens an erection and increases the urge to have intercourse and ejaculate.
Some Basic Techniques Considered as Foreplay are :
Kissing and deep kissing on the mouth and across the body
Stroking the erogenous zones
Fondling the breasts
Nipple stimulation and sucking
Sensual massage
Frottage (rubbing) and digital manipulation of genitals
Oral sex
Strip tease
Lap dance
Body painting
Showering together
Use of vibrators and other sex toys
There is no time limit to foreplay. And some couples routinely engage in foreplay that does not lead to intercourse and ejaculation. However, most consider foreplay the appetizer and intercourse the main course.
In any relationship where sex is involved, foreplay can be almost as important as if not necessary for the actual sex act to occur. Technically I think of foreplay as any activity that occurs as a precursor to the sex act that has the intent of increasing the level of excitement in your partner and yourself or for preparing one another for the sex act.
After discussing about “KAMASUTRA”...”Various Positions involved” in love-making...and importance of “Foreplay” ...lets share what male or female want from each other...after sexual intercourse
Most of the people just sleep over without even asking their partners as how they feel or what they want. As a result they feel dejected and hurt. So, what males like after sex?
After asking many a man what he likes to do after making love, taking a nap topped the list by a landslide, and having a snack came in at second. Now, in a man's ideal world, every woman would get up after lovemaking, prepare a warm snack for her man and then stroke his hair while he takes a long nap. And although there are women out there who do comply with such a request, chances are it won't become the post-sex routine you're hoping for. It just ain't going to happen. Relationships are about give and take, and while giving her an orgasm and taking a nap fit the rhetoric, that's not the way it's going to be.
Recent statistics released by the University of Chicago also reveal an important fact: Married men, and not their single counterparts, are the most physically and emotionally fulfilled when it comes to sex. They say that the feelings of sharing have never been stronger than in the moments that follow sex.
Which isn't to say that both men and women don't complain of spouses who get out of bed too quickly to wash up, or go back to chores, or turn on the TV, or roll over and fall asleep. They just want to talk about each other...not about their kids or relatives etc. It should both of them.
For many men, the loss of an erection after sex can also beckon the loss of a bond, a shrinking and even shirking away. Want some useless words of advice? Try not to take it personally. If your husband's haste to jump out of bed upsets you, therapists recommend looking at the act of lovemaking as a process that can start as early as dressing for dinner and not conclude until you're both emotionally ready to end your intimacy. The word postcoital implies there's something that happens before and something that happens after, and that there is an it. All there is is a whole.
Now, what is that a female want after “Sexual Intercourse”? I can't pretend to know what every single one wants after sex. The desires range from cuddling and talking to being left alone and being fed. But from what I could gather, touching definitely topped the list.
They want to cuddle. It's no secret; just about every woman loves it when her man finishes doing his thing only to flip her around and hug her in the spoon position. That's the goldmine of affectionate actions. Flipping her around isn't even necessary, but chances are that some kind of bodily touching may be. Why? Well, because sharing in a very sacred experience with a woman likely leaves her feeling vulnerable. And something as small as wrapping your arm around her can make all the difference.
They want to talk. Although many guys aren't big fans of the "cuddle," there are even less men around who want to talk once the deed is over. But if she wants to talk, you may have to keep your ears open and listen up. Chances are that she will likely talk about what went down -- especially if you had her yelling out like a banshee. And I'm quite sure that your "stork able" ego will overtake your need for some shuteye when it comes to such a topic anyway.
She may pamper you by saying, “Let's do it again”. If she's still raring to go after the first round, chances are she'll be all over you, doing her best to let you know that the evening call for a second round. Between playing with herself and stroking your penis, you may just find yourself going into round two before you know it. But if you're older and more comfortable in your relationship, chances are that you may not be as easily aroused for round two, and, of course, that isn't your fault. Add that to the fact that you probably did all the work and it's quite possible that your little man won't be good to go right away.
Conclusion
“Love-Making” is a process. There is a beginning...there is Delivery and then there is an end. More than “just” physical, it is an emotional bonding. And let me tell you, if people are going for “Extra-Marital Relations” one of the main reason for that is “Unsatisfactory” Sexual Relations. Even law says that unsatisfactory “sex relations” is a valid reason for divorce. You can make your love life interesting and enjoyable...you just need “imagination” or “innovation”.
Have a “enjoyable” and “fun filled” life. Always be together and love each other.
Looking forward to your comments and feedback.
With lots of love and care
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Muscle Growth is a very essential part of muscle development. As the body grows so does the muscle. Muscles are the storehouse of energy. They store glycogen or glucose from the food (especially carbohydrates) consumed. Later, the muscle converts glucose and supplies energy as and when the body requires. In a normal human being, Muscle Growth is dependent on the human growth hormones, nutritious food and the type of physical activities involved.
Normally, in a body, a muscle breaks down to be re-built again. In the process of rebuilding activity, when it accumulates more than what is being broken down, the muscle is said to gain. This involves an increase in mass and growth simultaneously. It has been found that a more muscular body helps to cut down fat, improving lifespans.
With an increasing demand for a well-toned body, more and more people are resolving to pursue advanced exercise regimes that promise to convert muscles to fat. They take up light weight training, cardiovascular exercises and aerobics, along with a healthy diet. In the muscle building activities, especially in the case of body builders, the Muscle Growth or hypertrophy is worked on. That is, the person involved in body building tries to achieve abnormal enlargement of muscles. Here they make use of supplementary sources to increase the cells or the mass of the muscle.
For instance, a person involved in bodybuilding tries weight lifting, high-protein drinks, steroids or hormonal injections to mutate or activate the growth related cells. Muscles are involved in breaking up and rebuilding activity are better known as protein turnover. In this process, when the muscle-rebuilding activity increases over the rate of muscle breakdown, there is a muscle gain, a growth. Researches have identified myostatin genes as involved in controlling the growth of muscles in the body. It has also been identified that a mutation or block in the genes will help in muscle mass and growth. Muscle Growth is important to build muscles to fight fat and flab, and to stay fit.
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Quick, answer a question: Why do people buy from you?
Bzzzzz. Wrong, if you answered with,
• “Uhhh . . .”
• Any description of your product or service.
You get an “Incomplete” if you answered,
• “Because we have great service.”
• “We have the best quality.”
This might seem rather basic to some of you, but if you quit reading I promise you're cheating yourself. Unless you have an inside-and-out understanding of all the possible reasons people buy from you, you're likely inviting objections. That's because you're probably selling what you want to sell, or talking about what the company's marketing department tells you are “benefits.” People buy for their reasons, not yours. Your goal on calls is to learn, remind them of, and understand their reasons for being interested in you, and ultimately buying.
An Example
Let's look at an example. A copy machine salesperson calls a smaller company, hoping to sell a copier. He speaks with the Office Manager who typically makes decisions like this one. After asking a few basic qualifying questions he learns the office has four people in it, and they now have a big old monster of a copy machine that has been in the office for about eight years.
Thinking he has a hot prospect, the rep launches into a pitch about the latest techno-copier that does everything but write the documents for you. He overwhelms the listener with a point-by-point description of each of the “benefits”-or what he thinks are benefits (they indeed are, to some people).
The prospect says, “What we have is working just fine now.”
He retorts with some rendition of the “feel-felt-found” technique and rams into a brick wall. He writes this one off, and moves to the next. Same pitch, same result.
What Went Wrong?
So is the rep not skilled at closing? How about overcoming objections? Neither. You could make a case for him not being a skilled questioner, but that might not be fair. The fact is, he doesn't have a clear understanding of why people buy from him-from their perspective, not his.
You see, in this case, the Office Manager was a technophobe. She just traded in her IBM Selectric for a computer for gosh sakes! And, she is paying $300 per year, plus a per copy charge for a maintenance contract on her current dinosaur copier-about half of what a new, smaller, more reliable machine would cost to buy!
And that's not all. The prospect was really quite interested in the fact that the machine the rep was pitching could do enlargement and reduction. Her's couldn't, and she had to personally go down to the Quick Copy to have them done, and it was a tremendous hassle. But, the rep had already mentioned so many other “benefits” that were actually perceived negatives to the prospect, that she didn't think it would be worth it to talk about that one feature. However, in isolation, it could have sold her.
Even if you think you have a clue about why people buy from you, do the following exercise. And do it often, since situations change regularly.
Here's an exercise we work on in training seminars. It lays the foundation for everything else we do.
1. Identify all the different levels and types of buyers and influencers for what you sell. Describe them by title and/or function. For example, depending on the organization, you might have an Advertising Director as the buyer. In smaller companies it could be an Office Manager, or maybe even the President.
2. Taking each of these types of people, identify how they're typically evaluated in their job. A Purchasing Manager is evaluated differently than a sales manager-the former on conservation, while the latter on production. Why should we think about this? We all have a desire to survive-at the very least-in our jobs, and most of us want to thrive. Knowing how someone is measured in their environment provides insight to what makes them tick.
3. Regarding your types of product/service, what do they want and need most? Be as specific as possible. Saying, “They want good quality,” doesn't cut it. If you can't see, feel, hear, touch, or taste it, how can you describe it? Good quality manifests itself in the form of “A machine that requires virtually no servicing other than routine maintenance.”
4. Conversely, what do they want to avoid? Again, be specific, descriptive. Don't say “poor service.” Better: “They hate having to wait three hours to get an answer to a basic technical question.”
Answering these questions is just a start. After you've compiled your list, then you use the answers to create questions to determine if, indeed, these possible benefits truly are benefits.
